to ashu

its ur birthday,
and well i have nothing else to say.. what do i say to you when u cant tell me things back....what do i tell the one person i have known to be with me always....i havent got any replies.... i dont want your prayers..i just want you to be here... to be talking to me...to be literally feeding me with chocolates......
its what you always did...i never did take you for granted... its just that you were everything a friend dreams of and more.... the love and laughter we shared...somewhere down the line it has dissolved into nothingness...
happy birthday sweetheart....this little angel of yours is waiting here to hear 'thanks'
and ur 'fake' accent and ur devilish grin...and ur stupid cargos in which u look absolutely stupid urself.....
and the movies, and the salsa/ sauce dipped potato chips......
i wish i had ur picture....sometimes i forget how u used to hug me. or sometimes even how u used to make me smile...i just feel as if i have doone a huge wrong to you..living with all this guilt is kindoff killing.... i wont care..i say ...sometimes i think i will forget u...and ull vanish..... do u know i smoke now...i use swearwords like punctuation...maybe sometimes in defiance to u...waiting for u to scream at me...maybe just emerge from behind me and say ur usual "caught u"
u used to say i was the best person anyone can have as a lover.... and yet sam left me. he did... i dint, i tried to work it out. he does hurt...but ur going away..even after all these years hurts much more....5 years haina?
what more do i say???
do i hav to?
u know all that anyway dont you?
is it like really good out thr?
dont you miss me?
dont u miss all those nights driving around delhi..???
or is it like sleeping?
cant u be thr with u? u wont come back but i can be with u isnt it?
love angle(even now i spell it wrong, even sam used to get annoyed.....angels...)